The Ice Beneath You
I just finished reading The Ice Beneath You by Christian Bale. It is a wartime novel set in Somalia and follows the life of a Private during the war, before the war, and after the war. I must say that a lot of the story seemed to revolve around the main character trying, and failing, to really come to terms with his purpose in life. In some ways it is a story about how someones life can begin to tumble slowly, and then cascade into an epic downfall. And after reaching rock bottom, the climb back up to a somewhat 'normal' life, was long and difficult. In many ways the book caused some self reflection on my own situation. I now wonder if I have indeed fallen though the thin ice, and am falling uncontrolably, or if I am still trying to maintain my balance ontop of that ice. 2 posts ago, I wrote about how I wished to become a Police Officer. Well as it seems, even though nothing officially forbids it, no single departments in the US that I am aware of, will recruit a Canadian with a Green Card. In 3 years, I will be able to become a full US Citizen, and then I suppose I could be recruited. But I'll be in my early 30's by then. Too old to be a police recruit. Perhaps I am already too old? Sure I made some bad choices back when I had the whole world infront of me. For one, I think the biggest mistake was staying on at the Radio Station. Sure it was a cool job and all, but in the end, it was meaningless, in the long run. And now I am growing older, and doors have already closed on some of the things I wished I could of done. For the record, I have sent out about 500 resumes over the last few months. I have only heard back from 4. Of those 4 I was uninterested in 2 of the jobs, and overqualified for the other 2 (and thusly didn't get the job). I suppose I have resigned the fact that I will likely never find a job I enjoy, nor will I ever really achieve my dreams. I am a pisces and as such, I do generally give up easily when problems fall outside of my realm of control. I set my sights lower when things are looking down, so as to make my dreams appear more attainable. I do however have love. And that love keeps me going. I think that this novel has helped open my eyes to my current situation. Keeping in mind, I am not depressed. I am fully accepting at my unsuccessful life, and where it has put me. "Meh, its just how the cookie crumbles, right?" Not everyone can be successful and have a cottage on a lake in Central Ontario. There has to be some people who make up the lower percentage of the statistics right? I think perhaps I am sounding too bitter or something. Well, I am tired, so I am typing what comes to mind. Besides, since the blog went down a few weeks back, people haven't been visiting it quite as much lately. So I don't feel as compelled to censor myself. Honestly though... Fuck.. America Sucks! No jobs, lots of crime, and hell.. every company has those stupid minority compliance forms to fill out when you apply for them... And I know EVERY TIME I fill it out, by selecting White, I am basically kissing that job away. Not to mention the fact that I am a Canadian, trying to take jobs away from the thousands of unemployed Americans... I can totally understand why I don't have a job yet. Experience aside, my situation sucks ass, and a lot of factors are working against me in my current situation. I met up with a friend last weekend, and he said he would try to get me a job in Canada. Honestly I hope he pulls through, because shit, things aren't working out down here. Sure I may have to start off fresh yet again. But hell, I'll be back in Canada at least.