The last few posts on here have hinted at a slight change of lifestyle I am undertaking. Some may have noticed, while others may think that I am just being my normal 'perverse' or odd self. Those who seem to understand me, as a person, better than others will know, that I don't make choices such as this without fully thinking them through. Those who lack understanding of who I am may feel that I am following a fad, or perhaps that I am specifically attracted to the kink aspect of the lifestyle.
The truth is, BDSM has intrigued me for many years. I have respected the bond a Dom and sub have for each other, as I have had friends involved in such close and intense relationships. I have seen how happy it makes them, but never really found the need or inspiration to fully venture down this path myself.
Over the summer in 2014 I had taken a lengthy break from IMVU chat, focusing on projects around the house, and working a few extra shifts here and there. However upon returning to night shift, from day shift, I found loneliness creeping back into my life. I cautiously returned to IMVU chat, thinking that I didn't want to get involved in anything too serious. I focused on purely chatting and having conversations and this was helping my loneliness to some extent. It is after all nice to have a friend or two to chat to when its quiet and nothing else is going on.
It was my good friend "Tailz" who introduced me to her good friend "sable". Tailz had asked if I was still seeking a submissive (I had been pursuing Tailz for some time, tho by then had mostly given up trying to tame her). I was hesitant at first, but after tailz slightly talked me into it, I agreed to meet her friend. The initial interview process was slow and steady. Both her and myself were taking our time, and trying not to rush anything. We instantly clicked, and I found that she was always seemingly interested in topics I spoke of, as her conversations were equally captivating. Her witty and playful, energetic attitude was exactly what I needed to help me out of my blues. The fact that she, like myself was more focused on conversation, and storytelling, than anything sexual was also a huge plus for me, and very much encouraged further conversations.
I suppose I was doing something right, because sable eventually asked if I was planning on collaring her. I nodded... Long story short, I now have sable collared as an online submissive, and tailz collared as O/our 'pet'. They both now rely on my guidance and protection, as much as I can offer in a virtual sense, anyhow. The taking of a collar, is a serious consideration. Tailz had never taken anyones collar before she accepted mine. Originally I collared her as a sub - however I have recently re-collared her as a pet, as it better suits her personality. Sable has received physical collars in the past, and was very familiar with what that meant for her. The responsibility of collaring a submissive is a dedication akin to that of marriage. The biggest difference, is that a collar may not imply a life long commitment, nor does it specifically imply that the relationship is monogamous. What it does say, is that this person has entrusted their care and willingly, fully given themselves to their Master based on the trust, and understanding that is present in the relationship.
Now sure, the lifestyle online is much much different than the lifestyle in real-time. Taking a collar in a virtual sense, may never equate to the actual sense of commitment, of physically placing a collar around the neck of a living breathing human being, kneeling in-front of you. I am aware of this, and I am not trying to suggest that a virtual D/s relationship even remotely relates to a real-time relationship. While this is still an online based relationship, the collars that both sable and tailz virtually wear, do tend to transfer into real-time. They both have mentioned a willingness to wear a physical collar in real-time to signify our bond as well. They both will obey requests, even going as far as accepting medical treatment under my advice (it is after all, my job to ensure they stay healthy and safe). Sometimes they will willingly deny themselves something or do something, of their own accord as well, which they know I will appreciate. This is borderline, I know and somewhat controversial. In any case, this is how far our relationship has progressed. I also believe that every D/s pairing, or grouping is unique in how the relationship works or helps each member.
In my case, I have been encouraging both tailz and sable to better themselves, and be more confident. I have been helping both emerge from the protective shell of RP and chat, and focus on real world matters. Like finding a job, or focusing on hobbies they enjoy. Obviously however, like myself, they also need a social output, so the online communication still remains when we are not otherwise busy. This is to the extent that I am actually prepared to loose regular contact with them, assuming that helps them find a job and better themselves. This is a very bitter sweet choice for me to make, seeming as they both mean so much to me and I would be, and am very lost if I go a few days without speaking to either. This has helped me determine that I am a Selfless Dom.
I suppose any good Dom should be somewhat selfless. They would have to cater to their loving subs needs, and tend carefully to their well being. I think the common misconception is that most Doms are very selfish, and use their subs to fulfill their own desires. This does exist, but from what I have seen, this is frowned upon by most subs and typically such a relationship does not last. I imagine many vanilla people think of 50 Shades of Grey, as being a realistic look at BDSM. However, no; anyone who is truly involved in the lifestyle will deny any relation between 50 Shades and the lifestyle. In-fact most will claim that it is a portrait of abusive sexual smut.
The relationship between sable and Myself is a very strong bond of understanding, commitment, loyalty and trust. W/we are still building this up, and as we are still just limited to online interactions, this will take some time. That being said however, there is an impressive bond already in place. There are serious indications that both of us are looking forward to bigger and better things in the near future.
And that brings us to my amazing wife whom I greatly love and adore. My wife, who has gone by the name of 'Nightbird' previously in this blog, is a wonderfully understanding woman, whom is very independent. Tho at the same time, we both need each other for support at times. In several ways, the two of us are like best friends for life, and while we may disagree on minor issues from time to time, or find ourselves in luls, we eventually find our way back, and turn things around.
Recently I had a deep conversation with her about sable, and the fact that I am interested in exploring the lifestyle further. She had reservations about BDSM, however I reassured her that the preconceptions of a Dom and sub relationship being purely about control and force, was incorrect. I explained that it was a nurturing relationship, where both Dom and sub gain from each other. In the end, it was decided that a live in submissive, would be an interesting and new experience for all. We would both gain a new friend / companion, and we would have a 3rd source of income in the house. What makes this even more inciting is that sable tends to enjoy much of the same social things that Nightbird and I enjoy. So it should be easy for the three of us to do things together. I imagine having a female friend will help Nightbird out of her own shell.
This is where we find ourselves now. On the potential verge of possibly exploring a new, taboo partnership. This being said, sable is not being forced or pressured to come and join us. It is simply an option open to her in-case she wants to move on with her own life. It seems to be an attractive option however, in her eyes, from what I can tell.
It shall be interesting to see what the future holds for us and where this takes us. It would be wonderful if together we can progress, and explore life and build new experiences. I know I have a lot to learn, and I love a new challenge.