The challenge of finding the right sub, can be a difficult task for a Dom. The bond between Dom and sub, is one that I find, doesn't really just form with anyone. It can not be forced, but rather nurtured and molded into existence. But at the same time, both Dom and sub must sacrifice in order to make the bond work.
I am tired of subs who are just seeking play. I have had requests to collar subs, when in turn the sub requesting the collar doesn't really know what she is requesting. She thinks it is just some game, some kinky playtime, and that will be sufficient. No.... It is more. It is a complete submission and dedication. Honest, and true commitment. Completely breaking the subs walls down, and helping her become the best she can be. It is a change.
Recently in a conversation with an online friend, she randomly brought up that she would love to be my sub. Knowing her personality, and how incompatible we would be, I said really? You know I would have to completely break you down? She said "I wouldn't be me if you broke me down completely." I said that to give yourself as a sub, is to offer yourself to be molded by your Dom. She then said that she would likely not be a good sub then and that she is happy with who she is, and doesn't think she needs to change anything. Knowing she is very insecure, I said "Why do you have such a hard time sharing photos then? (if you are as happy with who you are as you say...)". She says because she feels compromised, by showing her body. Which may be true, but its also because shes not happy with it. Me? I think shes wonderful. But she doesn't see that - She has told me before how it bothered her to show herself.
For me however, it is more complicated. For the sub needs to not only give herself to me, but also to make an effort to form a relationship with my wife. Being polyamorous, leaning towards polyfaithful, that communication is very important to me. In fact, pretty much required. Jealousy has no place in such a relationship.