Roadwolf's portal for his random thoughts and ponderings

Slut Life...

Blog and Journal

The story about Elliott Rodger and his frustration with his college life, and lack of sexual encounters really hit close to home for me. When I was a young man in my last two years at High School, I began to see that I was a bit different. A bit of a nerd you might say. I felt that everyone around me was busy fucking after school, and that I was perhaps the only one who wasn't. That being said I never had vengeful thoughts about that.

This however, is where I turned to the internet, and found that I could connect with people much easier online. I was still young, and I had self esteem issues. But online I could let go a bit more and relax. There I met several females, and subsequently that is when I first began role-playing online.

In my senior year of high-school I was so very in 'love' with one girl in particular. Tamara Hammer, from the Netherlands. She was 23 and recovering from a horse riding injury, so she was of of work for a while. We got very close. So close that I was blinded by what lay before me. A very pleasant and pretty girl who happened to be in my class. She even hinted at going to the prom together, but I dismissed it as silliness. I think, looking back on it now, that I might of let her down.

But I did not go to the prom. Instead, Tamara came to Canada to visit me, and we had a wonderful three weeks where she took my virginity. It was an amazing experience, and she was a great and patient teacher. After that she returned to Holland and I began my working career, and sadly we drifted apart. But I still felt, now more then ever that I was lacking. I was working in broadcast radio, and all around me there was a very highly charged sexual vibe. And me, a little scrawny, shy geeky 18 year old, really didn't have much to offer.

I continued to chat online, and soon began to host a nightly radio show on Yahoo! voice chat, in which I would broadcast, DJ and play music to some 'loyal fans'. I quickly built up relations, and on the weekends I would meet up with local girls who I met from chat. We would ride around, and chat, never really formally dating, but often stopping somewhere quiet to make out and engage in some sort of sexual deviation if they were willing, which they usually were. In some cases I even had girls come and pick me up from home, and steal me away for a weekend. I later found out that was because their husbands were out of town. Yes I tended to gravitate towards cougars.

Yes, I was quite the slut. I seemed to go through girls like water. But I still wasn't happy. It wasn't until I was about 22 that I began to settle down and commit to longer relationships. And it wasn't until recently that I now look back on that, and see how silly I was. Being promiscious is not really all its cracked up to be. In the end it really just makes you feel empty inside. Sure it satisfies the need for a moment, but there is something to be said with really developing an emotional connection to someone.

Recently I talked to someone online. Hell, it could of even been Elliott for all I know. But he was college guy who was frustrated that he wasn't getting laid. My advice to him, was that he was likely a bunch more sensitive person, and couldn't bring himself to lowering himself to sleazy one night stands. That he needed something special, and that something special was worth waiting for. I explained that many college guys are idiots, and treat their girlfriends improperly. And that I don't expect someone who is intelligent and sensitive to go and flaunt himself. But young adult women seem to be attracted to flaunting, at least until they learn that those who flaunt tend to be assholes. I suggested he aim his sights towards older women, and he would perhaps have some more luck connecting with someone. But I also stressed that he shouldn't just fuck for the sake of feeling like he isn't getting any. He needs to wait and be patient with the right woman.

Now of course this is counter to what I did. In a way, I don't like how slutty I was. And I do wish I could impart that wisdom on others. But at the same time, life experience must be learnt first hand. Advice only goes so far, and often doesn't ingrain any lasting lesson or reveal anything about yourself. So while I look back now and shake my head at my mistakes, and my blindness at the girls I should have kept a hold on. I understand that it was all a learning process, and a process in self discovery. For both me and them.

On a side note, one thing that eats away at me, is one girl who I got close to. I dated her for a few months, and she wouldn't put out. It frustrated me. I heard from her recently. She still never has found anyone quite like me, she claims. She regrets not giving in, as she is dying of an illness, and isn't expected to live much longer. That is sad... I encourage people to experiment and not wait to long. If you are naturally dating someone you trust, and the chance comes up, take it. Don't be too shy, or think that you have to wait for anything. Because you never know when your time is up, and you should enjoy yourself, and enjoy spending time with someone special when the chance comes up.

I think putting all of this together, that the point of this article is to say that quick, pointless sex, is not really all you would think it is. If anything it is really just to explore and experiment. But if you find someones special, take your time, but also don't be afraid to venture forth and make things special. But missing out on the slutty sex of youth, is not really anything bad.

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