Roadwolf's portal for his random thoughts and ponderings

Relaxed and Content

Blog and Journal

I sit here relaxed and content in my house. Enjoying the wonderful evening. The temperature is perfect. And I had just enjoyed a nice cigar on my back patio. The cigar did two things for me. One it relaxed me into a zen of utter peace. And the second being it helped quench my allergies which had been bugging me for a few weeks now. That damn post-nasal-drip from the trees has been worse than ever this year.

I think it is in part due to how sterile everything is now. My body isn't fighting off the usual infections or bacteria, and is instead going full force at attacking pollens and it's self. I figured if I gave it some dirty smokey air, maybe it would calm it down and distract it. And indeed it did.

I spent much of the evening on Plenty of Fish, texting this one girl I sometimes talk to up in Canada. As well as talking to some of my other friends, but most except her seemed busy or distracted. So I talked to the person who was paying the most attention to me.

Reflecting on the events of the past month, I can say I am very comfortable living alone now. Tho I do think I need to hire a gardener to help get the yard into shape this Spring... lol But aside from that, life has been good. I have been super focused on some projects at work, and really bashing them out of the park. To the extent of even showing up one of the formidable old timers. Filling his shoes so to speak. So yeah, work is going well. Quite well.

Dating however has been not so great. Honestly there was one girl I thought was going to work out, but sadly her insecurities and her sexual advances towards me early on scared me off. And aside from being a nice girl who I liked, and we had similar interests, I never felt that spark on my end, which told me that no, she wasn't the one. I am meeting some cool people I could be friends with here and there, but so far no sparks... no Love and lust interest.

I have found some renewed interest in some long distance connections. Maybe there may be a spark there, but I think I would have to meet them first. And long distance I am hesitant about, but at this point with the pickings so slim locally, maybe long distance is my only option.

I also reconnected with Bobbi! Bobbi is a girl who I used to hang out with a lot working overnights. She worked at a local coffee shop, and we became friends quickly. It is interesting how life can work out and people can reconnect at specific times.

Dating has been difficult tho. So many scammers out there. Wanting to connect on WhatsApp, or Telegram, or Facebook, or Hangouts or Insta, or even Texting. Sorry but all of those services are connected to big data, and the accounts can be used to really dig into a lot of personal info. Scammers love getting that information and using it to try to suck money and more information out of people. Me, I just use the dating site it's self, or use Discord which is actually fairly safe as far as protecting your privacy from others goes. If I am comfortable with someone, I will exchange my phone number, but that is rare. I like to test people by asking them what their favorite Pizza or Wing place is in town, because you know if they are actually in the Buffalo area, they will pick some local place, and not a chain. And people who say Anchor Bar are also suspect - few locals will prefer that over cheaper places. :P

I do find that I am looking for a specific type of woman. Attraction is important - sure I know I am not a male model myself by any means. But, I have many good qualities which I know more than make up for my lack of six pack abs. I am looking for someone who inspires me and whom is intelligent. That is the key... Sparking my interest. Making my mind work and challenging me. Chasing me just enough to have me chase you, and then chase me again to show your interest. And to do that without smothering me, while holding my interest will probably be a challenge.

I know that I deserve to be happy and satisfied too. I want to provide a good life for my lover, and I want a happy balanced relationship. Sure I don't mind being Alpha and taking more responsibility if needed, but I want my partner to be able to handle some responsibility too.


This was a letter Sable had wrote me a while back before she moved out. I had told her it was over and it was time for her to move out, but she knew I was lonely. She would of stayed forever if I hadn't of pushed for her to leave - but she wasn't healthy for me. In any case, I think it helps solidify that I am a good guy, and I do need that special connection to a special lady whom I know I will make very happy. I just hope I find that connection this year.

Anyhow, take care and happy surfing :P

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