Roadwolf's portal for his random thoughts and ponderings

Polyamory and IMVU

Blog and Journal

The last few months I have found myself being sucked into the world of IMVU, and my own little community I have built for myself there. It is a wolf pack, but it seems almost like family. Some of us have grown very close over the past few months.

Like any group it has its drama. I try to limit it as much as possible, and have found myself questioning my ability to lead every now and then. However I look upon the wisdom of Colonel Potter from MASH when he said that being a good leader is to "stay out of it until he is needed. That timing is everything, and there is a time to step in, and a time to back off. Pull the reins too tight and the horse will buck."

Being the Alpha however, means that I am basically a Master. It is my duty to watch over, and protect my family. If I see a problem, I will jump in, but typically I prefer to let people try to overcome any issues on their own first.

The community I have built has foundations on a very open, and polyamorous-centric society, where there are no secrets and people are free to play as they wish. While that ideal has been slightly threatened as of late, I am still going to hold firm to it.

That being said, I have encountered a few situations lately which I have had to make exceptions for. I have been venturing into the Dom/sub culture a little, and exploring the polyamorous aspect of that. It is interesting to me that many people prefer to have both a Dom to keep them in line, and a sub to look up to them. Many Masters, will actually allow their subs to have limited freedom.

This exploration has helped me focus my own views. I personally do not believe that humans are capable of being loyal to a single person for their whole life. But I also believe that jealousy is the root to end all relationships. If two monogamous partners are jealous or no longer trust each other, then there is a problem. Depending how deeply the issue lies, and how long its carried on for, the problem can likely be repaired by working to open up new lines of communication and discussing the issues at hand. However if the problem is beyond help, and trust is too far gone to be forgiven, then I think that its time for them to part ways.

In some ways I think some very monogamous people, are such, because they do not trust their ability to discipline themselves into focusing on more then one person, while limiting how much they fall for someone. But that is an area which I know little about, and I imagine it is true that some people may just be able to have a single person fulfill the central role in their life. But everyone should be sensitive to their partners own needs as well.

Edit: I have been thinking about this, and I want to add a little note here. While I do not believe humans are naturally capable of being monogamous their whole life; I also believe that through society and greed, humans are often not conditioned to accept polyamorous ways. Being polyamorous requires a lot of trust, love, and faith and the ability to really control and quench your emotions at times. Not everyone is emotionally mature or developed enough to handle this. I do not think that everyone is capable of being polyamorous either. Many people will never reach the level of maturity required to do so.

I have found I have had to tutor many people in the ways of polyamory. I have been polyamorous for many years now. And while yes, I have stumbled a few times along the way, I believe I am now much more focused on respecting the foundations of being polyamorous. Helping others through their own feelings and internal conflicts has really strengthened my own ideals. And if anything has reinforced the need for discipline, respect, trust and open communication.

I have found myself filtering my feelings now. Where in the past I would open my heart to just about anyone who came to me needing some closeness, I find myself now being more cautious, and making sure that they are able to handle the poly lifestyle that I am only able to provide first. If someone seems very monogamous, and needy of a single partner, I back off. For that is something I can not provide, and I will not try to fool myself, or anyone else in that regard. I am married in RL to my amazing wife, and I am also dedicated to a couple special people online. I am not able, nor willing to drop all of that for the needs of a single person. While to some this may seem very odd, and maybe even borderline cheating... But when your involved in it, it is a very close and deep experience, that I find much more gratifying then being monogamous. The trust, and respect alone are huge, and really account for how close a bond can be formed.

"People give flowers as present because flowers contain true meaning of love. Anyone who tries to posses a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in the field, you'll keep it forever." - Brida (novel) by Paulo Coelho

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