Roadwolf's portal for his random thoughts and ponderings

Polyamorous Feelings

Lifestyle and Erotica Blog and Journal

Lately I have felt the need to publish my unique viewpoints about love, and friendship. I often tend to scare people away as friends. I figure that this is mainly because I tend to be a bit more intimate, even with people I consider friends, then most people are comfortable with. Now I have been termed a male slut before. Perhaps this is seemingly true. But I disagree that is the case at present. Sure, when I was younger I tended to date many women. Sometimes a couple at the same time, even. I was a slut back then, yes. Some of them I do wish I had focused a little more on, while others I believe I should of never gotten together with in the first place. Back then I was cute... But for a nerd who grew up basically alone, and who wasn't overly socialized, I was insecure. I thought that I had no real attractive qualities. Therefore I had low expectations, and relied on my stamina and sex drive to keep me going and keep me in the game. Needless to say I focused mainly on cougars and as such I was well versed in the techniques used to pleasure women - as cougars tend to be good teachers because they know what they want. As I said, I was insecure. I never really did any formal dating. Most of my dates involved my car in some way. To me my car was my security. It was where I felt comfortable. I hid my shyness behind that and was able to open up and be forward with women, just like I could online. Living with my parents, it was also my escape, and something I could call my own. The move to Buffalo however really changed me. I gradually lost touch with many of my Toronto friends. To me, they couldn't be there for me, so I wasn't going to bother them by trying to get in touch with them. I didn't want to disturb anyone who may not of wanted to talk to me anyhow. With the purge of friends, I began to reach out towards people online. Some of those people were old friends, from School, or CFRB / Mix 99.9, who I might of had some relations with, but was always too shy to really do anything about. Others were people online, who I socialized with in online games. My shyness was wearing off and I was growing more confident and independent. I was living on my own now, far from the cradle of home - I no longer needed the security blanket of my car. I tried reconnecting with people from School, and people from work. I would flirt with various former co-workers over Facebook, and likely gained a bit of a slutty reputation there because of it. When that didn't work I moved to meeting new people. That being said, I was, and still am 'happily' married. But I suppose my marriage is a little different then most. I find myself now seeking companionship and friendship more-so then ever. I prefer to cuddle and relax and caress. I seek someone who can open up with me, trust me completely and pour their heart out... And also someone who I feel comfortable venting with as well. I am no longer seeking quickies and sex. When I meet someone new, I usually am very forward with them. I just lay out all my faults and qualities on the table for them. I am always completely honest and seek their reply. Usually most women seem to back away at such a forward stand. To me, it is my way of filtering people out I suppose. Anyone who can put up with that, is someone who is accepting of who I am. This way I know there will be no surprises for them. In turn, if they also open up to me, perhaps it means they also trust me, and a strong bond can be formed. Being Polyamorous, I am used to being able to have many loves in my life. I don't feel that one person can really satisfy all the needs and desires of another for an entire lifetime.

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28 views since Feb 2 2024

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