Roadwolf's portal for his random thoughts and ponderings

Mid-January Blues?

Blog and Journal

So I have been feeling kinda 'blah' lately. Working overnights is nice, but kills my former social life which usually consisted of playing online games with people. While I agree that is not much of a social life anyhow, it is still better then nothing. I find few people in Buffalo who I really connect with. It is just a different town, with different people and a different mindset. And yes, living here has changed my personality as well. I suppose I should listen to the advice in the song by Baz Lhurmann - Wear Sunscreen. "Live in New York once, but leave before it makes you too hard; Live in Northern California once, but leave before you get too soft." While Buffalo is hardly New York City, but life can be tough here. If anything my life in Western NY has taught me how to save money and live off of very little income. There is much more advice I should listen to in that song. Regardless, my mind has been quite occupied lately - but at the same time it feels empty. I have my primary workplace on my mind, and then my second job to think about from time to time as well. My second job being a new part time job I was basically begged to accept. While it is income, I do not really need it, and it is not supposed to interfere with my primary job, so I do not let it. But none the less it does sometimes interfere with what little social time I do get. It wouldn't be so bad if the people at the 2nd job were a little more social with me, or if I could flirt some of the females there, but people seem to ignore me. I am also seriously searching for a house. We have the money, we have a pre-approval, now we just need a house. So that has been taking up a lot of my free time. On top of that, one of my few remaining hobbies, model railroading, is taking a bit of a hit. I have been planning a railroad for the last few months in N Scale. My ideas about it have been changing, but I haven't really had time to sit down and work it all out. I have been hoping to find a local friend in Buffalo who I could connect with on the same level of likes and dislikes, and hobbies and personality. But so far I have only had a little luck. I am talking to a few people via email, but it is a slow process. I have considered re-opening the polyamory box, and starting to date again, but I am not having any luck there either - likely because few females really can relate to me. I have thought about returning to WoW or TF2, but then I realize that I will not have the time to dedicate to such an activity anymore, so it is basically pointless. In the end, I realize that at the moment my life is pretty boring. That is okay I suppose, I am older and wiser then my Urban Exploration years, or my "Emergency Response" / wanna be years. I am less willing to risk my life and safety for others, or for a good time. Does this make me dull? perhaps. I wouldn't mind going on road trips and doing some off roading, camping or hiking. Those things usually generate some decent stories, but I find it hard to do that without a friend who is also energetic and enjoys such things. It is kinda funny that when I was in my early 20's I would take girls out for dates 'on patrol'. How geeky was that? I would literally drive around with them, and then park somewhere and we would usually make out and get to at-least 3rd base most of the time (yes I was a slut). That is really all I knew about dating. I know now how to wine and dine a girl, if I wanted. But so far the only offers I have had as of late, were purely sexual. "Hey I am horny, come fuck me?" Uh, no. Not what I am looking for. That assumes they haven't been scared off by the fact that I am married to begin with. I guess all I have of real interest lately is my work, my model train idea (which I am sure the girls realllllly love), and.... that's about it. So hey, if you are in Buffalo, and you are also lonely, shoot me a line, maybe we can hook up and find something in common we enjoy.

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