Roadwolf's portal for his random thoughts and ponderings

Living and Loving Life

Blog and Journal

Life for me these days has been fairly decent. I still have a nice home in a nice community (Downtown North Tonawanda). I have a great job, some would say a 'dream job'. My finances are decently in order. I do often find myself at work, but when I am not at work, my free time is spent between chores and relaxing and enjoying life.

I have been physically single, and without a partner for almost 9 months now. I do very much miss not having someone to snuggle with, and collaborate with, and work on projects with. And yes, some projects have been on hold due to a lack of inspiration and support to push me to get them done. But, at the same time I am finding that to be alright. They will be there for when I have someone in my life to help me with them. I am able to generally keep the yard and house in decent shape in my limited spare time - so it is fine for now. But I don't want to be single forever. I need that closeness, passion and intimacy of a loving partner who wants to share this life with me. But, I am also happy being a lone wolf for now, and find that I am still very strong and independent, and the freedom to just do whatever is also a nice tradeoff.

I have found that dating sites are often just a waste of time. So many scammers, and fakes, and phishers out there trying to just get money and prey upon poor lonely souls. Sorry. Not my game to play. The few real people I have found I haven't really matched well with. Yes, Lindsay was an interest for a while, and things almost worked out with her - but I had reservations and wanted to move a bit slower than she did. There were a few others, but their schedules / behaviors didn't seem to jive with what I am seeking.

I reconnected with an old friend from World of Warcraft who I met sixteen years ago. "Whisperin" lives in Ohio, has three kids, and is unhappily married. We connect very well, and I am hoping that she will be the one to fill that gap in my life. Tho being a couple states apart, and the complications involved in her situation sometimes make that a challenge for now. I am hoping it won't be a challenge for too long tho, and that she can be here with me soon enough. She has a great mind, and I could see us collaborating very well together. The nerdy, sort of technical mindset she has is very condusive to my own. She can understand me well, and I also know she seeks more passion and intimacy in her life, which I am very much full of, and capable of providing. Right now I think the only barrier to her being here is her families opinion of her moving away. I know she wants to be here. But sometimes family bonds can be hard to break away from, and I refuse to really push myself between someone and their family. That is something they have to want to tackle on their own. We are meeting up for an intimate date soon, and I hope that will go well, and she will be more inspired to join me and make this a reality.

She is someone I can't really seem to get off my mind. I am worried about the distance and complications. I have had deep 'long distance' relationships in the past. I know they are very difficult for me. They hurt my heart when I can't be there in person to hug or show affection when I feel it is needed. I am hoping we can plan on her joining my life soon - then things will be perfect. She is a sweet girl, and I am hoping this will work out for the best of both of us.

Finding someone who is compatible with my level of passion and intimacy is hard. As it turns out "Whisperin" is interested in some similar erotic interests, and that is difficult to find. So many local girls are stuck up and don't seem to go for an older school view on relationships. I am a natural Dominant, but that means that I do look for someone who will look to me with respect and desire, and want me to be theirs. I am not going to just charge in and demand someone respects my Dominance - that isn't me. To me, submission is a gift that they will offer me when the time is right.

(Edit: I met 'Whisperin' a couple days after writing this. Indeed the passion and intimacy is there. We do mesh well, so I think the next step is trying to see if she can come here and spend some time with me. I am hoping we can make that work.)

Work is going well. I am now the only fully Qualified Specialist in my department after all the old timers have retired. My co-workers on shift are great, and I respect them a lot. I see them doing well and we are well on the road to make "Communications Great Again". But yes, politics is the tough part. Trying to skate that line between getting stuff done, being productive, keeping people happy, and not burning too many bridges in the process is one which is a bit of a fun challenge. But I feel confident that things are going well, and that we are forging a great future for the department - ensuring that we will be respected and granted more trust, respect, and work responsibilities.

I also just sold my old Crown Victoria this weekend. Ah yes. I have made many posts about this car in the past. It holds many memories. Like the trip down to Long Island. It was a great vehicle, and really never failed me. But it's time was up. The vehicle was purchased by a guy who works for Majestic Pools, and he will be gutting the vehicle to use the front end to upgrade his truck. New memories will be made I am sure, with my Dodge Journey.

I have few friends outside of work. Really, no real friends outside of work / the internet. But that is alright. I have always been a lone wolf, and I don't like intruding on other's lives. I find most people my age are so busy with their own lives. And yeah I have had offers to hang out with people, but I still feel like an outsider - so it isn't comfortable to me. If it was on my terms than it might be different. On that note, one of my projects that is on hold currently is my model railroad project. That is one project which is meant to be a social hobby. But, like I said, it is on hold currently.

I do love it down here in WNY. I kind of look up at my old stomping grounds in Ontario and chuckle. I am so glad I moved down here. The Toronto area, and Ontario in general has been really hit hard with poor politics and choices. While most people up there are obedient and willing slaves to the politics, they are also suffering a lot. Yes, NY had a rough go for a little while, and we have seen a huge uptick in suicides and overdoses here, I know things are much worse up there. I just hope I will be able to go up and visit my family and old stomping grounds at some point this year. But if not then I guess they will remain in my memory for now.

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