Roadwolf's portal for his random thoughts and ponderings

Growing up? Maybe...

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I have been thinking lately about my social situation. I have always been a very social kinda person. More so in niche groups like Volunteering or HAM Radio sort of stuff. Groups which are not main stream. I find I am seriously lacking that here in Buffalo. These days I tend to enjoy Railfanning, and snapping photos of locomotives seems to interest me enough to warrant some hobby time dedicated to it weekly. That is all well and good, but I do wish I could find someone to enjoy the hobby with. I am a unique person, and enjoy living in my own little world. I am sure many would agree with that. I often find myself in leadership positions where I am running something or have some responsibility of some sort. And I enjoy that! But lately I find I just don't care as much. Maybe I am getting older and am starting to realize its better to go with the flow then try and change things. Or maybe its because I am lazy... But either way I am noticing a general change in my personality.

Even when it comes to flirting with girls. I used to be quite the seducer. I still am the king of dirty thoughts... I was quite a man-slut during my early to mid 20's, and I never had any complaints or terrible break ups. Even partaking in some activities that every man dreams about, on several occasions.

But lately I find I am becoming more conservative. I am married now, and although we have been kinda polyamorous in the past, we are currently happily monogamous. I have little desire to have sex with other women at the moment, but I still do have a occasional desire to play from time to time, without intercourse (but I haven't). And I still do have a desire to flirt and engage in erotic chats online from time to time. And I do... But I do find I am becoming more and more picky about who I choose to spend my time with. Even online. I used to be a white knight. Always helping and going out of my way to help people with their problems.

These days however I have become more selective, and have grown wary of people with issues. Perhaps I have been screwed too many times by people, or perhaps I am just tired of people who have problems that they come to me about, and when I offer helpful advice, that advice is never taken into consideration on their part. Only to find them coming back to me a few days later with the same problem.

I am at the point where I just wont put the effort into people who aren't willing to help themselves. Is this bad? Maybe... Maybe not. Perhaps I was trying to protect people from their own stupidity for far too long. Perhaps it is time for me to concentrate on what I want to do with my life. I think I can live with being more selective with my friends. Now if only I could make myself look 10 years younger... :) Now... who's up for some playtime, or train watching? lol


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25 views since Feb 2 2024

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