Roadwolf's portal for his random thoughts and ponderings

Figuring out what the E means

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E, as opposed to I, in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, stands for extraverted. I am a type E.

I find that I always need to be socialized, and involved in something. Working alone is alright if it is something I can really geek out about, but it is always more fun working or playing with someone else.

I've always had to do my own unique social group, but I have also always had to be the manager, or leader of whatever that group was. It goes along with my Alpha Wolf personality. I am an Alpha who likes to earn his followers through loyality and respect, rather than forcing them to follow me, or ordering them to do so. I like to be admired, and looked up to. I need to be wanted, included, and sought out... This is probably why I often choose to run my own game servers, if I play multiplayer games.

Lately, I have found myself without a pack. My former gaming clan, The Flying Circus, has faded away. I neglected the few loyal members I had, and they drifted apart to more active social groups.

My mate, Sable, whom I love very much, doesn't really like to socialize too much, so I can't count on her to really fulfill all of my social 'pack' needs. Nor can I really force her to fulfill those needs, as much as I'd want her to be my main social focus. She has her own social needs and comfort levels.

Without that social interaction, I find myself getting anxious, and feeling depressed and lonely. Sable enjoys passing time watching TV, and sometimes I enjoy sitting there with her if we cuddle and interact. But I find that if I spend too much time watching TV with no other input, I get stagnant, and it feels like my brain is melting away. I need to be active and do something 'active', which challenges me, or focuses my mind. Not passively sit and let something else entertain me.

So, I think the thing for me to do will be to re-focus my efforts on the model railway, but also maybe look into options regarding rebuilding the gaming clan, or some sort of club.

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