Roadwolf's portal for his random thoughts and ponderings

February 2021: Paths

Blog and Journal

Ahead of me are several diverging paths. I am not embarrassed to admit, that I don't always know which path is the best to take. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. But our choices are all half chance. It could be for better or worse.

"Maria came from Nashville, with a suitcase in her hand, says she'd like to meet a boy who looks like Elvis. And she walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land, just like she's walking on a wire in a circus. And she parks her car outside of my house, takes all her clothes off, says she's to understanding Jesus. She knows she's more than just a little misunderstood. She has trouble acting normal when she's nervous." - The Counting Crows: Round Here

Work is going well for me. But a good friend is wanting me to help him out, and work for him. The politics of that situation don't seem to appeal to me however. But politics in general at work have been troubling lately. Ah yes Politics. Well for better or worse, Trump's reign didn't continue. Will Biden be better for this country? I honestly doubt it! But at least the divide seems to be gone. All the sudden the news isn't filled with anti-Trump stories, and politics has taken a backseat again to bullshit news stories. Nothing to see here folks.

Oh, and COVID-19 seems to be going away and we can finally get back to work and Build Back Better and get the Economy back on track, and it'll be all thanks to Biden / Harris. Yup. But the Right isn't rioting. There are no cities burning. Probably because they aren't being paid to riot and burn cities. Thanks Obama!

"The circus is falling down on it's knees, and the Big Top is just crumbling down. It's raining in Baltimore... Where you should be, no one's around"

Meanwhile I am in the process of searching for a new life partner. Sable is still here yes, but while she says I am a good guy, she also says that New York isn't where she belongs. She isn't comfortable living here. It is too far from her home. But at the same time she says she isn't looking forward to going home.

"And what would you change? What would you change if you could? Nothing..."

While I am the one who broke it off with Sable, I still wish she would of just tried. Tried to be that support I needed. Yeah I am strong, and capable of pulling my weight, and often pulling the weight of others. But it would be nice to have someone else trying to help pull that weight with me. And maybe last year strained me too far, as I was also pulling the weight of what seemed like the whole Department, at work. That has since eased up (mostly because I stopped pulling the extra weight, and am just focusing on the bigger things).

It is sad because we did seem to be very good together, but maybe it was just one sided and seemed that way to me. Or maybe it wasn't worth trying any harder for? In any case, a plan exists to get her back to Texas soon and we can both move on with our lives. Can bring a horse to water, but can't make it drink. I do honestly think this could of been the best place for Sable, but I am not her, and she knows what she wants, and doesn't want. I can't change that. I just hope she ends up in a good and healthy place.

I am finding that it is rather difficult to find a girl, especially these days. That being said there are a (very) few prospects. And sadly it has happened where I have been getting along great with someone, and they asked me where my political views lie, and say they are a democrat. I tell them I am center-right, and they say bye. It will take time. I am a complex guy, and have some deep emotional needs. I don't expect to find anyone to fall on their knees for me. But someone should push me and want to learn more about me, and be there with me, if they want me to focus on them - and if they do, they will get my full attention.

Sable describes me as a "submissive Alpha" saying that yeah, I am a Dominant (very Dominant she says), but I guess a more natural, non forceful Dominant. I can see that. I do need someone to pay attention to me, in order to inspire me, and get my gears in motion. But I also know that I am kinky and quirky, which often scares females off. I am not normal by any means. I don't really like the idea of dating. I don't think anyone looking for something serious does really. But it must be done! lol I imagine I will find someone. It will just take time, and adjustments will have to be made.

"These trained conversations, they're just passing me by, and I ain't got nothing to say, except ya know, you get what you pay for. But I have no intention of living this way..."

There are a few people who have been able to open me up enough to let my Wolf out, or for me to openly discuss the D/s Lifestyle. Which is promising. But if those things don't come up, chances are the conversation will just remain casual. If I start taking notes on someone, then I know that they have potential. :)

We shall see where we go from here. 2021 will be a year of rebirth for many it seems.

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